"Burning Bright, Burning Out" by Amanda Olachea

Burning Bright, Burning Out

Amanda Olachea, Dominican University

Artist Statement: "Burning Bright, Burning Out" is a deeply personal exploration of inadequacy, burnout, and the quiet struggles that often go unseen. These poems are drawn from a larger collection that reflects my lived experience navigating high expectations, academic pressure, and, at times, suicidal ideation. Writing this collection has been an essential part of my healing process, a way to give language to feelings I once thought I had to carry alone.

The structure of these poems, with its recursive language, repeated imagery, and intentional references, mirrors the nature of these experiences. Burnout, doubt, and grief don’t happen in a straight path; they return in cycles. The links and layered symbols are there to reflect that repetition, but also to remind readers that these emotions are not unique to one person. Feeling overwhelmed, not enough, or lost isn’t a solitary experience; it’s something many carry, often quietly.

I recognize that these subjects can be difficult to engage with. I encourage readers to prioritize their mental and emotional well-being as they move through this piece. If you need to step away, that is okay. And if you or someone you know is struggling, please consider reaching out for support. 

You are not alone.

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This Body, This Burden

This body is rusting. The gears slip, misaligned, and my bones—they sound like an old machine in need of oil.I tried to build cathedrals out of this crumbling flesh,but my hands tremble. The foundations crack.

I dreamt of being someone worth remembering.Yet here I am, breaking apart under the weight of my own expectations.My desire plays quietly in the background,like a heartbeat, I can’t control.

Do you feel it, too? The way dreams rust like old metal?I meant to rise. Instead, I sink. Start again?

You tell yourself tomorrow will be better.(But what if it isn’t?)

Tomorrow will be better!(But what if you aren’t?)

Then I try again.

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Burning if You Want to Shine

Aren’t you supposed to burn if you’re a star?Aren’t you supposed to disintegrate under the pressure?

Do you want to feel the heat again.Or go back if the pain feels familiar.

They say, "If you’re going to shine, you have to burn."But how much of me will be left by the time I outshine everyone else?Will I even be able to see it when I finally get there?

Maybe stars don’t care about validation. Maybe they just shine because they’re supposed to.But I care.I care too much. And that’s the problem. Isn’t it?

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And Yet...

I tried to become someone.Someone worth remembering.But instead, all I am is tired.My thoughts are the soundtrack for my exhaustion.

The green girdle tightens around my waist, heavy with guilt I can’t let go.If I take it off, who will I become? If I leave it on, I carry shame with me forever.

I tell myself there’s beauty in the effort,that if I just keep going, one day I’ll feel worthy.

But if I stop now, what happens to me?Am I still worth something without the grades?Without the awards? Without the gold stars?

There’s only forward. There’s no point in resting, because what if rest makes me fall behind?

Restart.

Or keep going. 

(Because you know you have to.)